When a Town Lets You Down, You Need to Turn to the Minocqua Bill of Rights for Tourists
Wisconsin’s tourism season is less than a month away, which takes us back to those heady days last year when Wisconsin’s legislature sued to roll back Governor Evers’ “Badger Bounce Back Plan” without another plan in place to keep Wisconsinites safe. The conservative Wisconsin Supreme Court agreed with them, and our state became the “Wild West of Covid 19” right before Memorial Day Weekend.
Since our country and state abdicated the responsibility to protect us, the job was thrust to our counties, cities, and towns. As was the case in many small conservative towns, Minocqua basically took its cues from Trump and thumbed its nose at the pandemic, endangering residents and tourists alike.
Well the Minocqua Brewing Company, having its ongoing battle with OBNOM (the Old Boys Network of Minocqua), doesn’t feel like “forgiving and forgetting” about the gross negligence forced upon us due to Trump’s misinformation and an entire party’s willful refusal to accept the truth, so we thought we’d provide a template for all tourists to send to your favorite summer destination before deciding to spend your tourism dollars there.
Now feel free to substitute the emails for the Mayor, County Board President, and/or Chamber of Commerce of the vacation town of your choice, but if you want to help us out, we’d suggest you forward this “Minocqua Bill of Rights for Tourists” to our powers that be to show them that their needed tourism community isn’t happy with how they handled the pandemic, and expects better this summer. And if you don’t get a response—well then—you can always visit Door County.
Thanks for reading and thanks for making Wisconsin great again, one beer at a time.
County Chairman: firstname.lastname@example.org
Town Chairman: email@example.com
Minocqua Chamber of Commerce: firstname.lastname@example.org
Minocqua Bill of Rights for Tourists
Whereas former President Trump, Senator Ron Johnson, and Congressman Tom Tiffany have repeatedly spread misinformation about the necessity for everyone to get the Covid 19 vaccine and the effectiveness of mask-wearing to save lives during the pandemic,
And whereas former President Trump, Senator Ron Johnson, and Congressman Tom Tiffany continually spread the ‘Big Lie’ that says the presidential election was “rigged,” which fomented an armed insurrection against our country on January 6, 2021,
And whereas former President Trump’s overt racism, sexism, and homophobia encouraged the Wisconsin Republican Party to become more overtly racist, sexist, and homophobic in its rhetoric,
And whereas the epidemic of mass shootings has overtaken America and Wisconsin due to a rejection of popular and sensible gun regulation by the Republican Party,
And whereas Minocqua’s town board is composed of members strongly affiliated, through word and deed, with the Republican Party and who have gone on record supporting former President Trump and his policies,
Be it resolved that summer tourists to Minocqua have cause to reasonably fear that they will be harmed if visiting this summer due to Republican policies not based in science, and Republican rhetoric based in fear and hatred.
And further be it resolved that until Minocqua adopts the following “Tourism Bill of Rights,” tourists should boycott Minocqua and find safer tourism towns to visit this summer.
Minocqua Tourism Bill of Rights
- Minocqua must require all tourists, local residents, and employees over the age of 16 to provide proof of vaccination before entering any areas of consumption, including restaurants, bars, brewpubs, and tap rooms. By the unofficial start of the summer tourism season, Memorial Day weekend, all Wisconsinites over the age of 16 will have had the opportunity to get vaccinated, and those choosing not be vaccinated must not be allowed to endanger the health of others by gathering in public places, especially in vacation areas already crowded with tourists.
- The Minocqua Police department must publish a press release apologizing for harming tourists last summer by refusing to enforce Governor Evers’ mask mandate, and publicly re-dedicate themselves to enforcing all laws and emergency mandates in order to earn back the public’s trust.
- Minocqua must require all establishments holding a town liquor license to post visible signs banning firearms from within their buildings.
- Minocqua’s Town Board must publish a press release publicly accepting President Biden as our legitimate president, which will help quell the rising domestic terrorism that almost overwhelmed our country on January 6.
- Minocqua’s Town Board must publish a press release re-dedicating themselves to “loving thy neighbor as thyself” by explicitly welcoming all people of color, gender, and those in the LGBTQ community.